Circles to Spirals

Stages of grief are said to be circular and "you will pass though them all at different times" this morning as I lay sideways looking at her urn I think denial runs in my veins. The self-help books can't be cracked, baths where I just look at my failed belly are not run, and my writing has slipped. I cant be alone and meditate or make art- too afraid to tackle my daughter died. The gusto that lively children and enthusastic fathering keeps all my world spinning if I were alone- it would still be me squat on the floor sequencing photos and medical reminders, ruminating and stirring. perhaps breaking free from denial is that act of addressing it- moving into whatever is next